the desire to possess
there’s a way a man keeps a fear at bay
he locks the woman’s wildness in the closet
the way he does this is known
have sex with her, and dissociate
from the fact that he feels alone
focus only the fact that he fucked
it keeps at bay the fear he has totally lost
it keeps something locked up
he keeps himself locked up
for he feels rage
feminine rage
that a part of his soul was never protected enough
by the light of people around him
never protected enough
to howl in the face of a bandit wind
and protect the women, children, and men he loves
with an open heart
what is the natural state of wild animals?
in Symposium, Diotima says
See you not how all animals, birds, as well as beasts . . . are in agony when they take the infection of love, which begins with the desire of union; whereto is added the care of offspring, on whose behalf the weakest are ready to battle against the strongest even to the uttermost, and to die for them, and will let themselves be tormented with hunger or suffer anything in order to maintain their young. Man may be supposed to act thus from reason; but why should animals have these passionate feelings? Can you tell me why?'
why do they act to protect the things they love?
why would you act to protect your heart?
why would you not?
the man who does not know to fight to protect his heart will condemn and press under his thumb that which needs to—which must—be pinned
it must be pinned
because the situation is fragile
a gust of true feeling could blow it over
the desire for true and honest connection must be pinned
because that is the source of much grief, agony, and truth
grief he surely has no time for
absence of mother
of comfortable attention on the corners of his psyche
meant to live in light
grief, like a seed, waits for its day to sprout
when the conditions are right
hence why you water the garden
at first the soil is so dry you pour and pour the soil absorbs it all
nothing is happening but something is changing
the quality of the soil is changing- can you feel it?
the humidity
trust that something is taking root
so many men take aim at the thing most vulnerable
their own heart
the heart of those sweet enough to try loving them
but they never learned to take aim
with fierce viciousness
to protect what they really loved
these are the same picture
defending what you love and nuzzling who you love
to protect what you love is life
to have energy is life
it is living
it is confusing
but i will tell you what one told me
do not fear when descending into the intuition and heart
yes, you are losing some of the protection of the mind
but down there is a heart that discerns
an intuitive sense of trust—of what is good for you and not
it discerns
it need only at once the softness and fierce protection
subtitle: the non-deferrable responsibility to protect your heart